March 2012
39 posts
4 tags
no. 713 - @michaelianblack
~Illustrated by: @cartoonartist~I will join the first religion that declares Friday night “pizza night.”@michaelianblack
3 tags
no. 712 - @Hamptonyount
~Illustration by:Jeff Naslund~ Humans are merely a tool cats use to appear online.@Hamptonyount
4 tags
no. 711 - @funnyordie
Save your sick days and pain pills for when you’re healthy enough to enjoy them. - @funnyordie
4 tags
no. 710 - @TotallyAllen
If I could have dinner with any person, living or dead, it would be with someone who could choose where to eat for me.@TotallyAllen
3 tags
no. 709 - @ApocalypseHow
BREAKING: Panicked Geraldo Rivera Shoots Slightly Tan Mark Zuckerberg - @ApocalypseHow
5 tags
no. 708 - @wwwesty
Most of my relationships last about as long as this tweet. -@wwwesty
7 tags
no. 707 - @JOEVEIX
Cooking a TV dinner, what red wines go best with a Toshiba? -@JOEVEIX
5 tags
no. 706 - @michcoll
An accordion is just a BabyBjrn for tiny pianos. - @michcoll
6 tags
no. 705 - @DJROTARYRACHEL
Autocorrect keeps changing my mom’s texts from :) to “you’re a barren disappointment”.-@DJROTARYRACHEL
4 tags
no. 704 - @ActionChick
!#$% hotel Internet connection @ActionChick
4 tags
no. 703 - @NikiWithIssues
I’m feeling super lazy today. It’s the same as normal lazy except I’mwearing a cape. @NikiWithIssues
3 tags
no. 702 - @JordyHamrick
So what happens if I neglect to “safely” remove the USB from the OH DEAR GOD THE BLOOD. @JordyHamrick
6 tags
no. 701 - @Fallun_Angel
Teen for rent: Knows everything, does nothing. @Fallun_Angel
4 tags
no. 700 - @IGotsSmarts
When it comes to eating sandwiches, I am the anticrust. @IGotsSmarts
4 tags
no. 699 - @lunchyprices
Might just quit life and get one of those couches with a built-in fridge. @lunchyprices With special Happy Bday wishes from all of us at Team Twaggies! May you have another 25 wonderful years :-)
4 tags
no. 698 - @coreyhinds
“Your days are numbered!” - inventor of the calendar, joyously announcing his accomplishment@coreyhinds
2 tags
no. 696 - @TeenDreaming
Some of us, are just trying to get through the day without falling apart… @TeenDreaming
4 tags
no. 695 - @NickadooLA
Straight women wanna seduce gay men.Gay men wanna seduce straight guys.Straight guys wanna seduce lesbians.Lesbians wanna be left alone.@NickadooLA
4 tags
no. 694 - @Paxochka
Twitter for beginners: when in doubt, mock facebook.@Paxochka
3 tags
no. 693 - @chrisanna4real
Men, of course we need you. Because, jars.@chrisanna4real
4 tags
no. 692 - @shanethevein
Girls just wanna have fun(ds)!@shanethevein
4 tags
no. 691 - @PyrBliss
~Original illustration by: Steven Ray Brown~ If I were a Care Bear I’d be I Don’t Care Bear. @PyrBliss
2 tags
no. 690 - @PortlandiaGirl
“OH SHIT! THIS CRAZY GUY IS TWIRLING A SIGN! LET’S GO THERE!!” - no one intelligent ever @PortlandiaGirl
2 tags
no. 689 - @rolldiggity
~Illustrated by: @rachelhastings~I attached tin cans to the ends of this tug-of-war rope because why start a war when we can have a DIALOGUE!@rolldiggity
6 tags
no. 688 - @lunchyprices
My bush is bigger than the shorts thirteen-year-old girls wear these days. @lunchyprices
5 tags
no. 687 - @MrsRupertPupkin
~Original Illustration by: @bluedelliquanti~When my phone says “searching,” I hold it to my heart & whisper “Me too, phone, me too,” then burst into tears@MrsRupertPupkin
6 tags
no. 686 - @DamienFahey
When I see a teenager with a backpack, I just assume it’s filled withexclamation points for their status updates. @DamienFahey
7 tags
no. 685 - @Smethanie
~Original Illustration by: @JamieSaleToons~The worst part about having a vagina is I came to the mechanic for an oil change and he convinced me my car needs a flux capacitor. -@Smethanie
7 tags
no. 684 - @VocabuLarry
You are right, autocorrect. It is sometimes hard to make a womanorigami. @VocabuLarry
5 tags
no. 683 - @JohnRossBowie
~Original illustration by: Vixely.com~I know Congress has its hands tied, but surely Parliament can do something about Paul McCartney’s new album title … -@JohnRossBowie (this Twaggie is NOT for sale)
6 tags
no. 682 - @thecrudemale
My bucket list: 1. Buy bucket 2. Add ice 3. Add 12 beers 4. Drink.@thecrudemale
4 tags
no. 681 - @crston7
When I was younger they made fun of me because I was different. Ilaugh at them now, because they are all the same.@crston7
4 tags
no. 680 - @renojenn
No need to be productive today my cough has that covered. -@renojenn
