March 2012
39 posts
5 tags
no. 679 - @capricecrane
The lengths I’m willing to go to avoid somebody I know in a supermarket could count as cardio. -@capricecrane
Mar 1st
February 2012
42 posts
Feb 29th
1 note
4 tags
no. 678 - @TheSomeGuyShow
“Those spinning rims sure are cool.”~ no one@TheSomeGuyShow
Feb 29th
Feb 28th
6 tags
no. 677 - @joeljeffrey
  Bands who can’t afford a smoke machine should hire my girlfriend tocook at their concert @joeljeffrey
Feb 28th
3 tags
no. 676 - @beingtheo
Big deal, McDonalds. We’re all here for a limited time only. - @beingtheo
Feb 27th
3 tags
no. 675 - @KenJennings
  Stupid people: please say “DOY DOY DOY” a lot so we can recognize you faster. - @KenJennings Mashup cartoon based on an original by always amazing J.C. Duffy(this Twaggie is NOT for sale)  
Feb 25th
3 tags
no. 674 - @GarreTheFerret
If anyone lost a roll of hundred dollar bills, with a rubber bandaround it… I found the rubber band @GarreTheFerret
Feb 24th
4 tags
no. 673 - @bulls_horns
~Illustration by:Kevin Coffee~Why does the person right in front of me at Subway always treat building a sandwich like they’re buying a f#@&ing car?@bulls_horns
Feb 22nd
4 tags
no. 672 - @GarreTheFerret
 ~Original CapsLock illustration by: Eke~ CAPS LOCK Preventing Login Since 1980.@GarreTheFerret
Feb 21st
5 tags
no. 671 - @Naan_Conformist
Don’t hate on Americans for not learning a foreign language. Hate on Americans for not learning English. @Naan_Conformist
Feb 20th
3 tags
no. 670 - @MickeyTweaks
is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale? @MickSqueak
Feb 20th
1 note
Feb 19th
5 tags
no. 669 - @DamienFahey
~Illustrated by: Sal Oxford~Hey, songs about love. That’s enough. We get it. - @DamienFahey
Feb 19th
4 tags
no. 668 - @StealthyJess
Sometimes I let my plants get dangerously close to death, and then save them at the last minute just so they know whos the boss -@StealthyJess
Feb 16th
6 tags
no. 667 - @rosa
 ~Zombie Illustration by Darren Calvert~  James Joyce’s work entered public domain. Shouldn’t be long before someone writes “A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Zombie.” - @rosa
Feb 16th
Feb 15th
4 tags
no. 666 - @VerifiedDrunk
You can do anything you want with your life… until you have kids. @VerifiedDrunk
Feb 15th
4 tags
no. 665 - @MikeDrucker
Mad Libs inventor died today of POOPING. He is survived by his PIZZA CHEESE and his LAWN DARTS. He will be A DINOSAUR@MikeDrucker
Feb 15th
3 tags
no. 664 - @yoyoha
  Dear Women, We forgot about Valentine’s Day because we can’t stop thinking about how lucky we are to even know you. Love, Men@yoyoha
Feb 14th
3 tags
no. 663 - @Burgee66
For some reason I have a harder time holding my liquor during the winter. I think it’s the mittens.@Burgee66
Feb 14th
3 tags
no. 662 - @Qu4rtKn33
  Still trying to make the connection between 10 gallon hats and roast beef sandwiches. You are a mysterious vixen, Arbys@Qu4rtKn33
Feb 13th
Feb 12th
3 tags
no. 661 - @senderblock23
~Illustration by: Christoph Niemann~My extra sensitive toothpaste doesn’t like it when I use other toothpastes.@senderblock23
Feb 12th
Feb 12th
1 note
3 tags
no. 660 - @whatupjames
faux real? - @whatupjames  
Feb 12th
1 note
Feb 12th
6 tags
no. 659 - @OhNoSheTwitnt
Guns don’t kill people. Unfulfilling desk jobs kill people. Slowly. 5 days a week. Until they’re empty shells.@OhNoSheTwitnt
Feb 12th
Feb 11th
Feb 10th
5 tags
no. 657 - @crston7
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said “This dumb ass put my cape on backwards”@crston7
Feb 9th
Feb 9th
3 tags
no. 656 - @MichaelTwigg
“Hey, man, it’s 16:20.” - Military stoners@MichaelTwigg
Feb 9th
3 tags
no. 655 - @CrazedinNYC
~Tin Man illustrated by Chris Sinderson~Can someone please f*cking remind me why the Tinman wanted a heart?@CrazedinNYC
Feb 8th
4 tags
no. 653 - @JohnRossBowie
I love NPR but Jesus Christ they’re doing 20 minutes on cheese maintenance right now.@JohnRossBowie
Feb 7th
4 tags
no. 654 - @MisterBombay
“What the f*ck?! You look nothing like your painting!” - Angry woman on a blind date in the 1700’s -@MisterBombay
Feb 7th
4 tags
no. 658 - @Hormonella
~Illustration by: @inkyelbows~WAIT! LOOK OUT! RUN! WAIT! RUN BACK! NO, RUN THE OTHER WAY! NO, RUN THE OTHER WAY! LOOK OUT! RUN! WAIT! THE F*CK! ~ Squirrels@Hormonella      
Feb 7th
3 tags
no. 652 - @Glynner85
~Illustration by:John Meaney~  All my atheist friends can burn in nowhere.@Glynner85    
Feb 6th
5 tags
no. 651 - @grantimahara
They should #OccupyGringotts where 1% of the goblins have 99% of thegold!! @grantimahara
Feb 5th
3 tags
no 650 -@jenstatsky
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~I wouldn’t say I’m an alcoholic. I’d slur it.@jenstatsky
Feb 5th
7 tags
no. 649 - @icarmagic
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~Has anybody else sent a near naked pic to their mom by accident with the text: How ya like me now? Nobody? Really? Me neither @icarmagic
Feb 4th
4 tags
no. 647 - @Mothpete
If a bee manages to stay alive after it stings you, it’s a zom-bee.@Mothpete
Feb 2nd