September 2011
83 posts
4 tags
Sep 30th
26 notes
3 tags
Sep 30th
9 notes
4 tags
no. 507 - @yoyoha
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~  I just got an email from Sears! I didn’t even know they had a computer! - @yoyoha
Sep 30th
1 note
7 tags
no. 506 - @The_Andy_Drew
Just jerked off in an elevator. It was wrong on so many levels@The_Andy_Drew
Sep 29th
6 tags
no. 505 - @CandyWarhole
~Illustrated by:John McNamee~  Gyno: Do you have pains after sexual intercourse? Me: Well, they dont usually call me afterwards, so that kinda hurts. -@CandyWarhole
Sep 29th
3 tags
Sep 28th
1 note
7 tags
no. 504 - @goldengateblond
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~Thank you, true crime show, for saying that was a reenactment. I was pretty upset your camera person didn’t stop that murder. @goldengateblond
Sep 28th
4 tags
no. 503 - @Coy0teUgly
I can now compose a sentence in my head and determine if it’s under 140 characters. That’s going on my resume. -@Coy0teUgly
Sep 28th
6 tags
Sep 27th
9 notes
3 tags
Sep 27th
1 note
4 tags
no. 502 - @HeyitsLori
None of us can be sure that the cats aren’t organizing. - @HeyitsLori
Sep 27th
4 tags
no. 501 - @brattyunicorn
~Illustration by:Kevin Coffee~My heart is a flesh-eating pentagram of neon tantric total death wrath, but sure we can date if you want to. -@brattyunicorn
Sep 27th
1 note
3 tags
Sep 26th
6 notes
3 tags
Sep 26th
15 notes
no. 500 - @NoogsCorner
  The pinky toe has three main functions: 1) Grow mutant toenail.2) Fall off sides of Flip Flops.3) Dresser corner scout.@NoogsCorner
Sep 26th
11 tags
no. 498 - @robfee
~Illustrated by:Jeff Maksuta~Game Show Idea!I have to guess if u are homosexual, have scoliosis, or bad at hanging pictures. Its called “Let’s Get One Thing Straight” @robfee
Sep 26th
1 note
1 tag
Sep 26th
4 tags
no. 499 - @CriticalA
I <2 typos -@CriticalA
Sep 25th
1 note
4 tags
Sep 25th
11 notes
7 tags
no. 497 - @technopriest5
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~Abstinence makes the church grow fondlers. -@technopriest5
Sep 24th
3 tags
Sep 23rd
3 notes
6 tags
no. 496 - @Mothpete
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~You can’t really blame Noah for not knowing the two unicorns were gay. -@Mothpete
Sep 23rd
2 tags
Sep 23rd
1 note
3 tags
Sep 23rd
5 notes
8 tags
no. 495 - @DrThanatos
~Illustrated by: Brian Hamill~The only thing I spoon nowadays is Ice Cream. - @DrThanatos
Sep 23rd
6 tags
no. 494 - @AgamemNOMNOM
~Illustration by:Kevin Coffee~You haven’t lived until you’ve burst out of a vagina, naked. -@AgamemNOMNOM
Sep 22nd
6 tags
no. 493 - @nanoblossom
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~“I hate my shelf.” Suicidal Carpenter @nanoblossom
Sep 22nd
2 tags
Sep 22nd
1 note
6 tags
no. 492 - @BoucheDag2k
I walk by my boss’s office & say “You’re such an asshole” then point to my blue-tooth headset so he thinks I’m talking to someone else @BoucheDag2k
Sep 22nd
1 note
10 tags
no. 491 - @RexHuppke
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~ My kids are “into cars,” so we went to a car show. Totally unfair. I’m “into boobs,” but do we ever go to a boob show? No. - @RexHuppke
Sep 21st
5 tags
no. 490 - @CrossCzech17
 ~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~That’s weird. I just bought the “Best of Limp Bizkit” CD and it’s blank. @CrossCzech17
Sep 20th
3 tags
Sep 20th
9 notes
4 tags
no. 489 - @0ddfellow
~Illustrated by:Jeff Maksuta~At this point, the printed phone book industry must be surviving solely on 5 year olds that drive cars. @0ddfellow
Sep 20th
4 tags
no. 488 - @donni
Cats prove that arrogance is bliss. -@donni  
Sep 20th
2 tags
Sep 19th
1 note
3 tags
Sep 19th
6 notes
2 tags
no. 487 - @Holstein50
 ~Illustration by:Jim Bertram~  What if Apple copyrighted every word in the English language with an ‘i’ in front of it? - @Holstein50
Sep 19th
5 tags
no. 486 - @senderblock23
DINOSAURS ARE THE REAL NATIVE AMERICANS! -@senderblock23
Sep 18th
5 tags
no. 485 - @clarkekant
Were super excited to be collaborating with Favstar.fm for this twaggie. Any time a new tweet on Favstar gets 5 Tweet of the Day trophies, well add our own trophy in the form of a cartoon! Be sure to sign up withFavstar.fms bonus featuresto enable the Tweet of the Day functionality.~Illustration by:Carnilius R~$1,248,123,904,749 spent, over 6000 soldiers dead and 180,000 killed so far to avenge...
Sep 18th
4 tags
Sep 18th
38 notes
5 tags
no. 484 - @resila
“I may not have rhythm, but I got algorithm!” - computer programmer at a disco - @resila
Sep 17th
2 tags
Sep 15th
2 notes
1 tag
Sep 15th
2 notes
7 tags
no. 483 - @Boymeeetsworld
~Illustration by:Kevin Coffee~Updating phrases to match todays technology: Killing two birds with one stone has now been changed to killing two pigs with one bird. @Boymeeetsworld
Sep 15th
3 tags
no. 482 - @MarcusStricklin
~Illustrated by: Brian Hamill~  If you’ve ever wanted something and too lazy to get up and get it, and haven’t tried to summon it with the force, I can’t even know you. -@MarcusStricklin
Sep 14th
2 tags
Sep 14th
5 notes
5 tags
no. 481 - @Haleys_Hell
~Illustrated by: Jeff Maksuta~Give a guy an inch and he calls it six. -@Haleys_Hell
Sep 14th
5 tags
no. 480 - @DanSackheim
Definition of irony: Ignoring my wife because I’m way too preoccupied working on a tweet that my followers will ignore. -@DanSackheim
Sep 13th
1 note
7 tags
no. 479 - @BillMc7
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~AT&T is so annoying and disappointing that I’m surprised I’m not married to it. -@BillMc7
Sep 13th
1 note
3 tags
Sep 12th
3 notes