November 2011
36 posts
2 tags
October 2011
56 posts
3 tags
no. 547 - @Marty3point0
If three sheets to wind is being drunk, last night I was a Linens ‘n Things in a hurricane. -@Marty3point0
1 tag
5 tags
no. 546 - @MauriceBlitz
~Illustration by:Carnilius R~A twelve-pack of beer is equivalent to a bouquet of roses in a bromance. - @MauriceBlitz
1 tag
4 tags
no. 545 - @TheVoicelessOne
~Illustration by:Carnilius R~I held a grudge once. So cute and fluffy but the fucker bit me. -@TheVoicelessOne
5 tags
no. 544 - @Drudysseus
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~Taking patience pills. Trying to gain wait. @Drudysseus
5 tags
no. 543 - @HotEats
~Illustration by:Kevin Coffee~“We want rights! We want rights!” - Chinese protesters sick oflivingin the dark.@HotEats
2 tags
no. 542 - @CandyCrisis
I’m not out of my mind. I’m trapped inside this crazy thing! @CandyCrisis
5 tags
no. 541 - @SuSuSuDonym
I have a severe Religious Nut allergy. @SuSuSuDonym
4 tags
no. 540 - @PaulyPeligroso
~Illustrated by: Chris DeFillippi~How did people travel before they could tweet about getting on a plane? - @PaulyPeligroso
5 tags
no. 539 - @SnarkToast
~Illustration by:Ingrid Doering~I’m sorry, the percentage of your sentences that begin with “And I was like” has become too high for me to know you. -@SnarkToast
16 tags
no. 538 - @GuyAdvisor
Cleavage is the original Jedi Mind Trick. - @GuyAdvisor
4 tags
no. 537 - @true_godfather
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~If you have thegooglehomepage on screen when someone suddenly walks into your room, you’re not fooling anyone. @true_godfather
5 tags
no. 536 - @Schindizzle
Grizzly, panda, polar. Grizzly, panda, polar. Grizzly, panda, polar. Sorry to be redundant, but it’s bears repeating. @Schindizzle
6 tags
no. 535 - @lunchyprices
I like when my hair blows across my face while I’m driving because it makes me feel sexy & dangerous in my minivan. -@lunchyprices
3 tags
no. 534 - @LunaticOnEdge
I am just One Bad relationship away from Owning 30 Cats @LunaticOnEdge
3 tags
no. 532 - @charstarlene
I heard that purgatory is just a room full of teenage girls blogging and rolling their eyes at you. @charstarlene
6 tags
no. 527 - @Cheeseboy22
~Illustration by:Kevin Coffee~If you are proud of your follower count, know my 33yo brother lives with my parents, tweets ONLY about Star Trek & has over 8,000 followers -@Cheeseboy22
3 tags
no. 533 - @rachow
~Illustrated by:Chelsea Zareczny~After years of research, studies show that I don’t like when people who smell like bologna sit next to me on the train. - @rachow
5 tags
no. 531 - @Kimmittable
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~You’ve really got to hand it to me. Because I’m small, and likely can’t reach. -@Kimmittable
3 tags
6 tags
no. 529 - @NickSchug
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~This hot girl barely thanked me after I gave her a shot for shot recap of the Doctor Who finale. That’s the last time I do something nice. -@NickSchug
5 tags
no. 528 - @gruntmuffin
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~Spiders would probably be a lot less terrifying if they had to wear roller skates.@gruntmuffin
3 tags
2 tags
no. 526 - @rodney_at_large
Sure, I’ll help you find those paper cuts. -Purell - @rodney_at_large
2 tags
2 tags
no. 525 - @HeyitsLori
I like to yell “boo-ya!!” and slap my coupons down on the check-out lane so people know I’m serious about saving 75 cents - @HeyitsLori
4 tags
no. 524 - @Krittyshitty
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~Guys, I think something is wrong with me. Everything I eat turns to shit. -@Krittyshitty
3 tags
no. 512 - @benkunz
Apple expectations are so high that if I can’t talk to God on the next phone I’ll be deflated. @benkunz
1 tag
5 tags
no. 523 - @DepecheALAmode
Has anyone checked in on Japan lately? Or are we done with all of that? -@DepecheALAmode
4 tags
no. 522 - @dancetodrums
~Illustration by:Kevin Coffee~It’s gonna be fun when we’re all senile in the nursing home, spouting out random tweets from decades earlier. @dancetodrums
3 tags
5 tags
no. 521 - "Still hung. Over." - @wheatnik
“Still hung. Over.” — well endowed truck driver. - @wheatnik
7 tags
no. 520 - @HerPinkRibbons
~Illustrated by: Jordan Race~I think a man who knows how to use a semi-colon is sexy. My Ex was never able to deal w/a period much less one that sits on top of a comma. -@HerPinkRibbons
2 tags
5 tags
no. 519 - @24_forever
Practicing spelling with my 5 yr old niece & she spelled ‘we’ as ‘wii’. @24_forever
4 tags
no. 518 - @DDDBU
~Illustration by:Pete Hillstrom~ My mother sees the glass as half empty. And it better damn well be on a coaster. -@DDDBU
6 tags
5 tags
no. 517 - @WendiAarons
It’s 2:41am. I guess the D in Claritin-D stands for DON’T EVEN TRY SLEEPING BECAUSE I WILL WIRE YOU. - @WendiAarons
3 tags
no. 516 - @LaurenRP
~Illustration by:Kevin Coffee~Twitter is the internet’s raised eyebrow. @LaurenRP
2 tags
no. 515 - @thevowel
~Illustrated by: Chelsea Zareczny~I’m always amused when I meet someone for the 1st time & have a conversation only to realize that we follow each other on Twitter. -@thevowel
3 tags
no. 514 - @EddieCoins
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~I know there are about 5 people who read about 1 of every 10 tweets I write. So to the 1/2 person taking the time to read this; I thank you. @EddieCoins
3 tags
6 tags
no. 513 - @LisaGoodwin1
~Illustration by:Matt Lassen~waiting for my dad to tell a story is like waiting for a document to open in adobe acrobat. -@LisaGoodwin1
6 tags
no. 530 - @thevowel
~Illustrated by: Chelsea Zareczny~Some days I just really wish I could bring my dog to work. - @thevowel
3 tags
3 tags
7 tags
no. 511 - @silent_musings
Rhinos are just fat unicorns. If wed give them the time and attention they deserve, as well as a diet: Theyd reveal their majestic ways. -@silent_musings
