May 2013
7 posts
8 tags
no. 979 - @Tmoney68
Don’t think you’re immune. We’re all just a whim away from singing “The Lion Sleeps Tonight.” Yes, a whim away…a whim away…a whim away.— Tony (@Tmoney68) October 23, 2012~Original illustration: Ricardo Costa~
April 2013
26 posts
9 tags
no. 978 - @BonaFideIntent
Dear Homophobic Vending Machine:I’m sorry my dollar bill wasn’t straight enough for you. Go fuck yourself.Sincerely,Skittle-less— Bona Fide Intentions (@BonaFideIntent) July 16, 2012~Illustrated by: Alex Seth Alex~
4 tags
no. 977 - @BillMc7
The most socially awkward of all the dinosaurs was the Michaelceratops.— Bill Mc7 (@BillMc7) July 22, 2012~Illustrated by: Stefan Hey~
7 tags
no. 976 - @ImmorallyFixate
Soooo… Charlie Brown’s parents just don’t give a fuck that their 8 year old son is balding?— Immorally Fixated (@ImmorallyFixate) January 22, 2013 ~Illustrated by: Jake Slingland~
6 tags
no. 975 - @CelebrityChez
Went to Costco for toilet paper and bought Rhode Island and a cobra.— Chez McCorvey (@CelebrityChez) March 1, 2013~Illustrated by: Stefan Hey~
5 tags
no. 974 - @BambamVictoria
sometimes I yell stuff like THIS IS NOT A HOTEL and I AM NOT YOUR SLAVE but nothing ever changes because he’s a total asshole. and a cat.— Bambam Victoria (@BambamVictoria) February 5, 2013~Illustration by:Charles C. Somerville~
6 tags
no. 973 - @TheMichaelRock
I’m convinced that homeless people have all the shopping carts with 4 good wheels.— Rock (@TheMichaelRock) May 14, 2012~Illustrated by: Stefan Hey~
4 tags
no. 972 - @badbanana
I’m going to have a fireman carry me everywhere from now on. That way, I can be lazy and still get sympathy from strangers.— Tim Siedell (@badbanana) January 23, 2013~Illustration by: Carnilius R~
7 tags
no. 971 - @yoyoha
“I just launched a new fragrance!” - fun way to announce a fart— Josh Hara (@yoyoha) October 28, 2011~Original illustration: Ricardo Costa~
9 tags
no. 970 - @UNTRESOR
“Only the good die.” - Jung— Brandon Gutermuth (@UNTRESOR) January 24, 2013~Illustration by: Charles C. Somerville~
6 tags
no. 969 - @sixthformpoet
I like butterflies, I just feel sorry for caterpillars with a fear of flying and no interest in fashion.— Sixth Form Poet (@sixthformpoet) March 11, 2013~Original illustration: Ricardo Costa~
March 2013
31 posts
4 tags
no. 968 - @ImNotMegan1
The laundry is all clean. NOBODY WEAR ANYTHING.— Megaboo (@ImNotMegan1) November 20, 2012
5 tags
no. 967 - @WetzelGeek
“Some people say I’m an animal in the sack.” - baby kangaroo— Jeremy Wetzel (@WetzelGeek) August 14, 2012
4 tags
no. 966 - @thatlionkid
Relationship status: binoculars— Ghandi’s Dentist (@thatlionkid) March 8, 2013
6 tags
no. 965 - @lilgapeach30
Oh you’re a jogger? Good for you. I just burned 3000 calories in under 30 minutes. Can’t believe I forgot that pizza was in the oven.— Manda Daisy Duke (@lilgapeach30) January 13, 2013
6 tags
no. 964 - @meganamram
I don’t want to learn karate but I really need a new belt— Megan Amram (@meganamram) March 19, 2013
7 tags
no. 962 - @iGreenBabe
When a woman asks you to guess her age, it’s like deciding whether to cut the blue, red, or green wire to diffuse a bomb.— G (@iGreenBabe) July 19, 2012
6 tags
no. 962 - @weinerdog4life
I keep pushing the potato button on the microwave, but alas, no potato. :(— Snorklhuahua (@weinerdog4life) December 22, 2012
10 tags
no. 961 - @leslid79
1. Change last name to Crunch.2. Join the military.3. Work my way up to Captain.4. Become Captain Crunch.5. WIN LIFE— Lesli (@leslid79) March 17, 2013
9 tags
no. 960 - @GreenishDuck
Next time you’re having a bad day just remember that alligators spend their whole lives looking like they’re trying to do a push-up.— Zachary? (@GreenishDuck) February 21, 2013 This week’s tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing tool to manage your Twitter account. We use it every day to see which people are not following us back, track funny tweets, sort...
8 tags
no. 959 - @MensHumor
I would like to thank Tetris for providing me w/ the skills to jam as many dishes as possible in my dishwasher.— Men’s Humor (@MensHumor) March 14, 2013 This week’s tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing tool to manage your Twitter account. We use it every day to see which people are not following us back, track funny tweets, sort different lists of active vs....
5 tags
no. 958 - @donni
Amish murderers get the acoustic chair.— donni (@donni) July 30, 2011 This week’s tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing tool to manage your Twitter account. We use it every day to see which people are not following us back, track funny tweets, sort different lists of active vs. inactive tweeters, and a lot more. Please check them out by clicking the banner below.
6 tags
no. 956 - @Crowetoons
Just woke up and scared the hell out of this mortician.on.fb.me/MWRXtJ— JDCrowe2 (@Crowetoons) June 27, 2012 This week’s tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing tool to manage your Twitter account. We use it every day to see which people are not following us back, track funny tweets, sort different lists of active vs. inactive tweeters, and a lot more. Please check them out...
7 tags
no. 955 - @TheTweetOfGod
The platypus is what happens when you take a perfectly good concept and send it to network executives for notes.— God (@TheTweetOfGod) March 9, 2013 This week’s tweets are brought to you by ManageFlitter, an amazing tool to manage your Twitter account. We use it every day to see which people are not following us back, track funny tweets, sort different lists of active vs. inactive...
